I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
