Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
