I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
