ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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