We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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