True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
