I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
