idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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