you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't turn off my feet"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
