She just used a chaser for red wine.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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