Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
