Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
