I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
