I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
