Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
