im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
