You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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