I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
