that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize