she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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