Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
