Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
