I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
