After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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