You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Welp...herpes.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
