WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
