He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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