I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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