i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
