batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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