If i come over, it means nothing
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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