Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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