Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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