they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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