Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
