I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
