yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
