So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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