I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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