I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
