Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize