Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
