I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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