Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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