Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
