Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
