Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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