Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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