So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize