he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
