Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize