How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize