how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
