im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
