My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
