I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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