I smell stomach acid.
that's an acceptable place to lick
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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