Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize