I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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