ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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