$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i barfeds in our rink
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
