I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
