So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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