My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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