That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just pee around me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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