guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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