So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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