i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
